From Dust

I have been meaning to change this blog around for quite sometime, basically the format, and well, most other things about it. I have this crazy idea of exploring different beliefs, vantage points, if you will, of certain things within our culture; How they affect the way we interact, think, see, and live. These things especially hold fascination for me because there are multiple ways of looking at things, and in doing so, we sometimes discover that our eyes don't see the way Jesus' would and our hearts don't react the way his would. All I intend (even if it happens in a round-a-bout sort-of way) to do with photography or the words I lay down is to point to Him- and hopefully that is what anyone who chances upon all this will be left with.

So onto Death, most feared of foes.... or so it seems. You can call me morbid. It's ok. Some preliminary questions to juggle around in your head:

Why do we attempt so hard to avoid death?
How does our denial and avoidance of the reality of death manifest itself?
How do our beliefs about what death is cause us to react?
What is the correlation between life and death ?
How does our fear of death affect life?

hunger pains and crimson stains

I came to a coffee shop, bought the cheapest thing I could (tea)(hey, rent's due soon) and sat down, took a deep sigh and prepared to start learning more photoshop. And then I came across this while checking email. Perhaps I should summarize. Someone is selling a mansion for 75 million dollars..... with 23 bathrooms, 13 bedrooms, a bowling alley, movie theater.............
Is your jaw dropping, have you gone into a coma yet?
This is definitely an extreme case, I'm not implying that the majority of Americans walk around with millions of dollars in their pockets, and bathrooms enough to use a different one every day for more than three weeks, But to me, these are the implications of a starving nation, and really, of a starving humanity(as much as we have helped the idea along, it's not just americans chasing their own prosperity). I've heard of such things, but today I am sitting here shell-shocked because I don't understand how someone could come to the conclusion that they should build something like this. I don't understand it. What could inspire you to be so bored, what could inspire you to hoard so much? These are the signs of a starving nation,and it outrages me that we live in such poverty that people hedge themselves in with all the greed and comfort and safety they can muster in the hopes that they will allude life, and maybe death too.....
And somehow the same thought I have been having lately is connected. We are hungry for something else. It's as though we have this giant tapeworm living inside us, eating everything in sight, demanding more and more, and yet we are still hungry......and we are either still unaware of our tapeworm, or are left asking the question, 'how do we get rid of it?' and 'how do we get rid of this persistent hunger?'
I also look around and see a church full of people, containing a huge amount of love, and generally speaking we can be pretty good sometimes at lavishing it upon each other, at loving those who love us (sometimes). But I'm left wondering there as well, if we have something that destroys the tapeworm and satisfies the hunger.....why aren't we giving it to the people that are hungry?

What are we doing, Body of Christ??? Are we building our own invisible mansions full of other things that hold no value? Are we really seeking out those whom Jesus seeks, are we really looking with his eyes? Are we really loving with his love? Or are we building our own half-hearted, self-imploding time bomb?
I guess I want to see impossible perfection, in the sense that it actually is possible. Jesus broke a few loaves of bread and fed people who were really hungry-thousands. So why is it that we are so unsure of the love he has given us? Is it a small thing that he did this? We are unsure of ourselves, when we should be sure of him. Is it a small thing that he covered us with his own crimson stains? Is it a small thing?
Or is it a big enough thing that we have faith and love, from him, to love others, to feed the hungry, to comfort the sick and dying and lonely in the smallest ways (and just maybe those are the big ways)? to love those who spite us, and annoy us, and reject us.....and know that it is multiplying just like the bread and fish? Is it a big enough thing that we have faith that he is multiplying the love he has given us inside of us to amounts we can't even imagine?
Jesus told his disciples to feed the crowds. He would not give them an impossible command, he doesn't toy with people that way. It was possible because they had Jesus with them. It is possible because we have Jesus with us.
I'm not advocating a faith based on works, or our justification based on works. I don't believe in that at all. What I am sick of is a bunch of unmotivated, lazy people sitting around talking about theology and arguing and debating and getting all 'intellectual' about things. (I'm not isolating myself from this group, by the way) What I am sick of is a gospel that says Jesus loves you exactly like you are and you don't have to do anything to earn it and ends there. I think that statement is true, but I don't think it ends there.
What I am advocating is a love that actually has power and compels, because I am sick, really, really, sick and tired of myself, and others who have made this blood into something weak and fluffy.
What I am saying is that if we really know Jesus, if we really know the Father, we should look more and more like him the longer we know him. We should have works, only because there is simply nothing else a love of this magnitude can do except produce more love of the same kind. Anything less is taking away from the power of what has been done for us, and the love that has blanketed us.
Are we living like these crimson stains are a small thing?

If we are, we shouldn't go looking for works or signs or power.........
We should go find Jesus....or go be found by him,
and then see what happens.

I don't think I want 23 bathrooms. And I don't think I want the disillusion that I am as far removed from that tapeworm as I would like to think I am.
I want to walk beside Jesus and watch as he brings light and love everywhere my feet carry me. I've only got a tiny crust of bread, but I've got Jesus.

These are the hunger pangs of a bored nation:
WE MUST BE STARVING....

If we spent more time running around loving people like Jesus, and living things like Is. 58 or Matt. 5 & 6, I doubt we'd have time to sit around on our butts all day arguing over petty theology. Somethin' to think about.

I woke with the sun this morning

The wilderness and the dry land shall be glad;
the desert shall rejoice and blossom like the crocus;
2 it shall blossom abundantly
and rejoice with joy and singing.
The glory of Lebanon shall be given to it,
the majesty of Carmel and Sharon.
They shall see the glory of the Lord,
the majesty of our God.

3 Strengthen the weak hands,
and make firm the feeble knees.
4 Say to those who have an anxious heart,
“Be strong; fear not!
Behold, your God
will come with vengeance,
with the recompense of God.
He will come and save you.”

5 Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened,
and the ears of the deaf unstopped;
6 then shall the lame man leap like a deer,
and the tongue of the mute sing for joy.
For waters break forth in the wilderness,
and streams in the desert;
7 the burning sand shall become a pool,
and the thirsty ground springs of water;
in the haunt of jackals, where they lie down,
the grass shall become reeds and rushes.

8 And a highway shall be there,
and it shall be called the Way of Holiness;
the unclean shall not pass over it.
It shall belong to those who walk on the way;
even if they are fools, they shall not go astray.
9 No lion shall be there,
nor shall any ravenous beast come up on it;
they shall not be found there,
but the redeemed shall walk there.
10 And the ransomed of the Lord shall return
and come to Zion with singing;
everlasting joy shall be upon their heads;
they shall obtain gladness and joy,
and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.

“I just can’t sell the idea of spending that much money to go to India, they don’t understand why you need to go to India”
I can understand this point of view, there are a lot of reasons for it, first and foremost, maybe I wasn’t specific enough, maybe it’s simply because I am not well-enough known there, either way this isn’t meant as a rant against anyone, this is me realizing exactly why I am going to go back to India; with or without the apparent money, whether it’s now, or I have to work for it for months…..

There is a little girl, around four years old now, living on the streets of Pune. I held her for hours one day. She sat in my lap and would turn around occasionally to stare up into my eyes with her deep, dark brown ones, they held secrets I will never know, and even at two years old, probably a profound depth of pain and suffering that I will never understand. Sometimes she would sleep, other times she would sit up and laugh and avidly watch what was going on with everyone else in the room. We ate lunch together, both of us dirtying our hands, while I ate steadily, she ate hungrily. I helped her dip sweet biscuits into a cup of chai without spilling it, and without losing the entire biscuit in the chai (it‘s never as fun to drink soggy biscuits). The entire time she latched onto my right hand with her tiny hand. And when the hours were up, I had to let go of that hand. I had to release her - back to the streets. Her older sister picked her up to carry her out the back door, and she looked up at me with those huge, deep eyes, and tears started their journey all the way down her face; they didn’t stop, she kept crying, and trying to get back down to come back in. I couldn’t stare at those eyes anymore, I had to leave the room. I had to leave so she could go back to the streets, I had to leave before I lost my own sanity.

It may not seem valid to go to another country to ‘just hang out’ with some street kids, or other people who live on the streets, or kids who used to but now are fortunate enough to live in a house with people who love them, take care of them, and make sure they have a chance other than the hopeless cycle of life on the streets.
It may seem much more valid to have an organization, some sort of visible project that lasts for a week and demands the sweat of your brow, like building a house or a church. (I am not saying these things aren’t important, I think they all have their place) But wandering around India, feeding random people out of a backpack, spreading Jesus where you can, giving listening ears, eyes to see and weep over, and a broken heart to offer on someone else’s behalf - a pencil and a camera to carry stories to another people who are also in poverty- poverty of love, how is that obsolete? A burning heart to try and get someone to just look into another pair of eyes affected by our way of life, and to get that someone to really look back- and to see, to understand what it is to feel real empathy for someone else, to feel real pain over someone else’s pain, to feel real repentance over our actions, the ones we weren’t aware could cause such pain, and to feel something other than indifference, something other than a cold heart of stone, these things are worth more to me than all the money in the world. How can you even compare the kingdom of God, how can you put God’s love on the same plane as money? They are two entirely different substances.

And it’s true, I don’t necessarily have to go all the way to India to love my neighbor…. Not in the sense that there are plenty of people right here before me to love (which should by no means be neglected either) But if the only way people can learn to love each other is by knowing a bit of them, by being entirely confronted by them and not turning away, then going somewhere, and in a sense bringing those people back with you, is of infinite value. Beyond that, how is it loving on my part, if I know what I do, if I’ve seen what I have, and do nothing, say nothing?


We can’t just keep ignoring our brothers and sisters, our family, while we sit around in all our comfort here. We don’t know what real poverty is, if we want the comfortable life that globalization and our nation’s setup provides for us, then we are also held responsible for those from whom we steal our comfort. We are responsible for those who provide us with an abundance while they have a lack.

We can’t turn our eyes away anymore.

I can’t turn my eyes away anymore.
I’m going back, and I’m bringing their stories, bits of themselves. Jesus gave his life so we could give ours. Let’s not toy around with that. Let’s not ignore blood that was given on our behalf, just for a little bit of fleeting comfort.
I don’t care if people think I’m crazy for it.
I don’t care if they think it’s dangerous or it really is.
My father is going to help me go. And that’s that.

So, a brilliant idea today while flipping through 2009 writer's market book. (these things are enormous, by the way) I was looking for possible magazine's to send articles into in the future, and I think I've found one :

Aventura

no joke. honestly.

....it very well might not get published...but who knows, miracles happen. ...and if I have something to say, I have something to say to these people too. They deserve the privilege of looking into another pair of eyes and seeing something worthy to cause compassion.

anyway, if anyone has any great ideas of how to get to india for really cheap.... really soon.... please let me in on the secret. i'm pretty determined to go back for a couple months.

...... But we all die someday.

I'm lying on the hard floor, reading of India by the blazing woodstove. The narrative weaves in and out of modern day India, then moves onto the problems faced by a society if they want to keep growing(in a positive manner). Indians seem full of hope and passion that they can change their situation, collectively. I listen to the language of subtle deception; one that preaches hope, one that preaches success, one that promises a better life- one with more ease, one that proclaims people can indeed be lifted out of poverty. But they speak in the language of ethics, they speak in the verbiage of 'prosperity' for all. They speak in statistics and societies and governments. This seems to be a fairly common language for us all, evidently. ...but then the candle is snuffed out, the smoke goes in trails through the air, and I hear words in the silence:

"...but we all die someday"

The dialogue continues, I feel my heart start to contract, in despair I want someone to realize, I want someone to not be disillusioned. I want someone to realize what all this subtle language implies. I want someone to not ignore the fact that we are all of us, while living, hurtling toward death.
I am not negating the importance of some of these things.
What I am saying is that there is a lack.

We speak in technical terms and goals.

But we don't speak in tears and compassion and brokenness and real hope.

We don't speak in the language of love.


We only speak in the language of a fixed world. A better "us" and more comfort and ease.

....but we all die someday.

And really, all this, is it just to provide our own distraction, just to ease the boredom of days gone by and keep our eyes flitting to and fro, but never for one moment contemplating the thought that we are all taking slow and involuntary footsteps toward death? Or the consequences of what this means in relation to the life we live?


I will say it again:

someday I die.

If I don't learn to love like Jesus what else is there?

Dear mr. presidents

Dear Mr. Presidents,
In regards to your standing united for Haiti, I was wondering if you would consider standing united for some other things.....
Mr. Presidents, as stated in an article about you, you 'send an unmistakable message to the people of Haiti and the world..' Since you hold such large influence over such a vast crowd of people, I was wondering if you would like to endorse some other good endeavors.
Mr. Presidents, I would love it if you could stand united for all those victims of the world-wide plague of sex trafficking. Maybe you could even just mention it a little more than how our economy is doing, or which country we need to invade next.... or, could you please just stick it a little higher on the priority list than 'payments made for weapons of war' ? That would be great. Thanks.
Oh, and Mr. Presidents, There's this other thing too, do you think you could stand united on children dying of starvation? That's kind of a big one. statistically, 18,277 people (not all children) have died of starvation TODAY. I'm no genius, but that's a lot.
There's another thing too, Mr. Presidents, could you convince all of us that we don't really need our cell phones that much, or our laptops, or our cd players and ipods, unless of course we want to speak up to the people who make them..... you see, Mr. Presidents, maybe you weren't aware, but there's an ore used for those things, and it mostly comes from the Congo. I don't know if you know much about the situation over there, but there's a lot of killing and rape and war going on over there, and I think they might be using some of the money they get from that ore for the war. You might want to look into that. If we all want to keep our laptops and cell phones, perhaps we should say something....
Mr. Presidents, I was also wondering if you wouldn't mind, could you also stand united for people sharing all their possessions freely among each other? see, it might help eradicate that thing termed 'poverty'. And I was wondering to, could you promote not gossiping or slandering others? You see, this in the end would lead to much less anger and hurt among us all... I was also wondering if you could stand united in being honest, and not pretentious....... People don't really get anywhere good by pretending to be perfect and nice. I was also wondering, I know this is a lot, but could you promote loving people the way Jesus loved us? ....oh, wait, that might come off as mixing religion with politics....that's not really acceptable, is it? But that's ok, as long as you say we really need to pray whenever these sorts of huge disasters happen.

But seriously, Mr. Presidents, do you think you could tell people to stop putting so much responsibility on you and the government? Could you tell them that if they just started learning to love and take care of each other, that you wouldn't have to work so hard to try and force people to have fake empathy for each other? I really think it would work a lot better than the system that is in place. Of course, Mr. Presidents that might make you only as important as everyone else, but it's a very worthy sacrifice.
I've made a short attachment, just incase you are unclear as to what I mean when I say 'love', in terms of this better system.

The Way of Love

13 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

3 See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 2 Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. 3 And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.

4 Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness; sin is lawlessness. 5 You know that he appeared to take away sins, and in him there is no sin. 6 No one who abides in him keeps on sinning; no one who keeps on sinning has either seen him or known him. 7 Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous. 8 Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil. 9 No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God. 10 By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.

Love One Another

11 For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. 12 We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother's righteous. 13 Do not be surprised, brothers, that the world hates you. 14 We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. 15 Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.

16 By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. 17 But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? 18 Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.